


To Hell

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10036622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: The final scene in the episode "Deception On His Mind"; first from Tommy's point of view and then from Barbara's.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended
> 
> Tommy and Barbara's lines are taken from the DVD subtitles - not verbatim as they didn't appear strictly accurate when compared with what was being spoken.

The bar is abandoned, which suits me fine. I want to be alone with my thoughts; thoughts about Helen, about Barbara.

Everything is wrong; a horrible, tangled mess that I can see no way of unravelling. I am just so tired, exhausted even. How did things get so complicated?

I hear a door open, and Barbara walks past, stopping dead when she sees me. For a second I think she is going to ignore me; she looks embarrassed and a little ashamed. I need to talk to her, I cannot let her just walk away.

“How is she?” As I ask about Hadiyyah Barbara cannot hold my gaze; her eyes darting about, trying to look anywhere but at me.

“They’re keeping her in for observation but she’s fine. Azhar’s staying with her.”

“Emily?”

Barbara retreats from me further, and I wish I hadn’t asked.

“She’s still in theatre. She’s got third-degree burns. She needs a skin graft.”

I have to apologise; I need to fix this.

“Havers, I’m… I should’ve believed you and I am so sorry. I should’ve…”

Another retreat.

“There’s no excuses, Sir. I sh… shot at her.”

How can I make this right?

“You know I’ll do everything I can. But, err…”

Her shoulders slump.

“Nothing changes the facts, Sir. I shot at her. End of career.”

Now I can see her visibly retreating from me as well as emotionally, and so I reach out to touch her, to show her how much she means to me, to remake our connection.

“You saved our lives out there. It was an amazing thing you did.”

She pulls away from me, as if she cannot bear to be near me. Her bottom lip quivers, her eyes full of tears.

“You know, I wanted to kill her.” She swallows, trying to get a handle on her emotions. “You know, I was so prou… proud of working with her. She was everything I ever wanted to be.”

My already broken heart shatters that little bit more, tears now pooling in my eyes, I can’t look at her as I speak.

“Sometimes people let you down.” 

I’ve let you down Barbara. I ran away and married Helen, and then, when you tried to have a life of your own, I swooped in to claim you as if you were my possession. Forgive me.

Her eyes flicker upwards and she holds my gaze.

“You haven’t. Ever.”

I am laid bare before her; just as she is to me, and it is too much. We look away, but are drawn together again moments later. There is a truth in those eyes that stare intently into mine; a truth that neither of us can voice, but know that we share.

~*~

I see him and I stop dead. I didn’t expect him to wait up for me, and somehow it would be easier if he hadn’t. I’ve made a fool of myself; with him and with Azhar, and I need time to rebuild my defences.

“How is she?” 

I walk towards him, for once uncomfortable in his company, and I hate it. 

“They’re keeping her in for observation but she’s fine. Azhar’s staying with her.”

Don’t ask me anything else, please.

“Emily?”

The floor, a spot on the wall over his shoulder, the floor again; look anywhere but at his face Barbara.

“She’s still in theatre. She’s got third-degree burns. She needs a skin graft.”

And it’s all my fault. I know how far I have fallen in your eyes.

“Havers, I’m… I should’ve believed you and I am so sorry. I should’ve…”

Don’t apologise. Don’t apologise. Don’t apologise.

“There’s no excuses, Sir. I sh… shot at her.”

Why are you doing this? Can’t you see how much this is costing me? 

“You know I’ll do everything I can. But, err…”

No one can fix this, not even you.

“Nothing changes the facts, Sir. I shot at her. End of career.”

And it is going to kill me not to work with you, not to be with you every day. Nothing matters but you.

“You saved our lives out there. It was an amazing thing you did.”

He touches me and I have to step away before I shatter. I am fragile. I am broken.

“You know, I wanted to kill her.” I am fighting the tears. Why do I always end up crying when I am with you? “You know, I was so prou… proud of working with her. She was everything I ever wanted to be.”

My eyes briefly flicker upwards to his face, and I am surprised to see that he is close to crying too. 

“Sometimes people let you down.” 

His voice wavers, and I feel as if he doesn’t just mean Emily. I study his face carefully, needing to let him know how much he means to me. I must reassure him.

“You haven’t. Ever.”

I know by his expression that he has understood. I have to look away, the emotion between us is too much. He looks away too, but moments later we are drawn together again; our hearts saying what our minds will never allow us to. 

My actions have sent us both to Hell.


End file.
